Jump Start # 3822
Proverbs 27:15 “A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike”
It’s been raining a lot around here. That made me think of this verse. Lest we think this verse is sexist, men can be just as contentious, if not more, than women. Nagging. Irritating. Not letting a subject go. Drip. Drip. Drip. And, what happens is that the person on the receiving end of all of this becomes worn out. His spirit is deflated. He is weary on the inside. And, often, he caves in to what the other person is demanding. He doesn’t want to. He’s against it. He is just so tired of the constant drip, drip, drip. And, the contentious person has done more than just achieve what they wanted, they have set in motion how to communicate with that person in the future. The more you drip, drip, drip, the more you get your way.
Years ago a national magazine ran the following on its editorial page: “Doctors’ mistakes are buried; lawyers’ mistakes are imprisoned; accountants’ mistakes are fined; dentists’ mistakes are pulled; carpenter’s mistakes are sawdust. But just in case you find any mistakes in this magazine, please remember they were put there for a purpose. We try to offer something for everyone. Some people are looking for mistakes and we don’t want to disappoint them.”
Criticism in the home. Criticism in the church. Criticism at work. Criticism from the neighbors about how you mow your yard. Criticism from impatient drivers. High prices bring criticism. Long lines bring criticism. Room too hot or too cold and out comes the criticism. TV too loud and someone criticizes. Nothing to eat in the frig and there is criticism. Some people can’t go a day without finding something to criticize.
Any person that serves the public or stands up in front of people or is a leader will receive a host of criticism. The teacher gets criticized. The coach gets criticized. The police get criticized. The politicians get criticized. The preacher gets criticized. The shepherds of the church get criticized. Mary and Martha thought Jesus should have been there sooner to prevent Lazarus from dying. They criticized. The Pharisees criticized who Jesus ate with and that the disciples didn’t wash their hands in the way of the Jewish customs. And, when things do not go our way or our prayers are not answered the way we think that they should be, we can criticize God.
Drip, drip, drip. How do we keep from being a nag? How do we refrain from becoming contentious?
First, understand and realize that you cannot change another adult. You can teach, influence, be an example, but at the end of the day, they are going to do what they feel like. That can bother us. It can drive us batty. This is true of our grown children. They have their own homes and their own families. They may do things differently than you do. You may not like the way they mow the yard, decorate their house, what foods they eat and how late they stay up. But none of those things will keep them from Heaven. When they cross the line with God, then you speak. All these other things are just different than the way you do things. Being a constant drip will strain your relationship with them. You cannot change them into you. Let them do things their own way and be content with that.
Second, if you must speak out to someone, first check your attitude. Coming at someone like a pit bull usually doesn’t accomplish much. Tempers flare and volume rises and very little positive comes from that. Gentleness and kindness can keep the drips from dripping.
Third, make sure you have the full picture. Often we’ve heard one side of the story or we have picked up on bits and pieces and we make our conclusions and are ready to charge to the attack. Slow down. Do your research. The critic is often put in an awkward situation because he does not have all the facts. Don’t use gossip as your source of information. Gossip can be twisted, wrong and intentionally hurtful.
Fourth, enter the discussion with a spirit of trying to help. You are not proving yourself right and the other person wrong. It’s a win-win when someone is offered hope and help. Be part of the solution. Volunteer yourself to be there. It is easy when a person is on the receiving end of criticism to toss criticism back. This changes the focus of the discussion and accomplishes very little. Your goal is not getting these things off your chest. It’s not, “I told him.” You goal is to improve their lives and help them. Remembering the golden rule through this really sets the right tone and atmosphere.
When will it stop raining? Drip. Drip. Drip. When will the criticism end?
Roger