Jump Start # 2338
Ephesians 5:23 “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.”
Yesterday, we looked at dating and marriage. We continue going down that path, by focusing upon “headship.” The husband is the head of the wife. That sentence doesn’t set well with some folks. It’s not correct in our culture of changing roles, changing genders and everyone struggling to be at the top.
The husband is the head. That statement has gone to the head of some men. For some, it means that they get their selfish way, regardless of what is in the best interests of the family. They get to call all the shots. They shout and everyone must come running. In extreme cases, some like bossing others without doing anything themselves. It is that controlling spirit that has caused some to rebel and want to break free. It fuels mutinies. And, most of all it’s not Biblical, kind, nor constructive to building a strong relationship with the one we are married to.
I’ve heard men all but pound their chests in a Bible class, proudly declaring that the man is the head of the home. And, far too many wives shrivel in fear of this image that is out of control and hurtful. Shame on any of us men for thinking this way. It doesn’t mean that you eat first. It doesn’t mean that you go to the head of the line first. It doesn’t mean that you control the remote every evening. And, whenever a man has to remind his wife that “I am the head,” he’s already lost the understanding and nature of what is being discussed. It’s no wonder that feminism flies so high among some these days.
The passage states, “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church.” It’s that “as Christ also,” part that most seem to forget about. Yes, the husband is the head, but his model must be that of Christ. And, just how is Christ the head of the church?
Jesus gave Himself for the church. Jesus sacrificed. Jesus came to serve and not be served. Jesus never asks us to do something that He didn’t first do Himself. Those who are walking by faith, do not feel controlled, dominated nor as if they were slaves because of the way Jesus treats us. Instead, we feel loved. We feel thankful. We have tasted of His grace. We know His kindness. We worship, not because we have to, but rather, because we want to. We follow, we obey, we trust, not because there is a divine hand that may strike us from Heaven. We do these things because we are treated better than we deserve. God is good to us. He never asks the impossible. He never crushes our spirit. He is there for us. When we let Him down, He comes looking for us. He forgives us time and time again. That’s Jesus. That’s our Lord. He is the head and we would never want that position. We would mess things up. His mercy. His love. His patience. His generosity. All of us can speak of those things.
Now, the husband is the head of the wife. Barking orders for ice tea? Nope. Grabbing the remote out of her hand? Never. His role is to make his wife feel loved, appreciated, wanted, and special. She feels thankful to have him in her life. He does things with her in mind. He will watch shows that he probably hates, but he will do that because it’s special to her. He may eat at places he would never do by himself. But he will, because it means so much to her. He will be patient with her. He will forgive her. He will help her be the best that she can. Every decision is made with her in mind. Even weekends, he will sacrifice doing what he’d like, so that together they can do things together. Jesus gave His all for us. That’s the shadow we husbands must stand in.
And, in the grandest of fashions, he will help her walk with the Lord. He will lead her to Heaven. When he doesn’t feel like going to worship, he will. He will because it’s the right thing to do, and that’s what leaders do. When she wants to have folks over, he will agree, even though he’d rather stay home and watch a game on TV. He will help her clean the place up. He will help her with the sweeping, the dishes and the cooking. This is important to her and it’s the right thing to do, so he will do it. He will hold her hand as they pray together before they eat. When there are things that he does that upsets her and bothers her, he will change his ways. He won’t fuss and dig his heels in, because he knows how important these things are to her. He will get the finances in order so that when he is no longer here, she will be taken care of. He will live in such a way, whether at work, with his friends, or, at church, that she is proud of him. His focus is upon her. And, by being honest, respectful and devoted, she trusts him and knows that he’d never do anything to hurt her or the family. He’d rather fall on the sword himself than to see his family harmed. He brings about goodness. He compliments. He is kind. He is thoughtful. He stands in the shadows of Jesus.
And, linking these thoughts to yesterday’s Jump Start, how critical and essential it is that our young men understand their role. They are mini shepherds, just like the ones at church. Their job is to lead the family to Heaven. It’s not enough that the bills are paid and that there is food on the table. He is leading the family in right thinking. He is showing the family the heart of a servant as he helps others. He is leading the way by being the first to forgive. Sometimes leaders must make the tough call. Sometimes leaders get criticized. Sometimes leaders must draw a line in the sand and have a “come to Jesus” conversation with the family. This is the role of the male. Get that family to Heaven. Just as we would point fingers to any shepherds that would allow false teaching to take over a church, the same goes with the family and the fingers point to the husband. I’ve seen many prom pictures on Facebook. What some of these girls are wearing is shocking. Where’s the dads in all of this? The same goes for wedding dresses. God doesn’t give us a pass on modesty because it’s a special occasion. A person can dress beautifully and still be modest. Who is buying these clothes for these girls? Where is the godly leadership? An immodest girl dancing with a young man whose hormones are exploding is a disaster about to happen. Someone isn’t doing their job. There seems to be no headship here. There seems to be no guiding principles pointing to Heaven. There seems to be missing a reminder of who we are. Who ought to be the one reminding, the dad.
Now, on the other side, if our daughters are marrying men who are not godly, spiritual and leaders, who is going to head that home? It’s a ship with no one at the helm. Who will lead the family to worship? Who will set the example that God wants? Who will draw a line with God and say “no,” when that needs to be said? Oh, he may have a great job. He may be nice and make your daughter laugh, but is he a godly person that you want to give the keys to your daughters heart? Do you want him guiding her spiritually, emotionally and mentally? Wil she be better off spiritually because of him?
This is why dating and marrying Philistines, like Samson did, isn’t wise spiritually. The head of the home needs to know how to get to Heaven. If he doesn’t, how will he lead them there? Headship is about leading. Our physical heads make the decisions that the rest of our bodies follow. If the decisions are selfish, immature, ungodly, what will the outcome be?
These are the kinds of conversations that need to take place in our homes and in our teen studies. It’s more than marrying someone from the church. It’s marrying someone that I can trust to help me get to Heaven. There are only a few select people that know my passwords. I wouldn’t give them to anyone. Yet, are we willing to leave the hearts of our children to be lead by people who do not know the Lord? Do you trust their spiritual decisions? Do they even think spiritually at all?
Heading home to God, that’s the proper concept of leading the family. That task falls upon the man. He can do this with God’s help. He will do this if he walks with God. If he doesn’t, who knows where he may end up, and is that what you want your children to be following? Read Ezekiel 34:4. That’s the outcome when shepherds do not shepherd. That’s the outcome when a family has no godly leadership.
Roger